Last summer, Bridget’s Mustang would not start, just as she tried to leave for the trip back to Texas. We called our trusty road travel service, but there was a problem with the tow truck people they sent out.
After a full day of waiting, making phone calls and finally, giving up hope of Bridget getting on the road anytime soon, the car was delivered to the repair shop after hours. Sadly, the story didn’t end there.
A fuel pump was replaced at the repair shop before they gave up and delivered the car to the dealer down the road. The new fuel pump didn’t help get the car started, but I had to pay for it anyway. The dealer discovered that it was a battery that had been the issue. They were doubtful about the need for the fuel pump, but hey – Bridget had a new one.
Apparently, that was the week that never ended its gift giving.
Bridget called last night and said that the Mustang had been sputtering a bit, so she suspected coils needed to be replaced and they did. But that’s not all her mechanic discovered.
The fuel pump from last year? Proved to be an after market bust and it needs replacing. Yup. After only 5,000 miles and less than a year.
This is my kid sister and I let her down by suggesting she take her prized car to be fixed at our local shop. Sheila and I feel so bad about it and the more I think about it, the madder I get.
There will be bodies. Several of them.
And I know just where to hide them. There is a big tire pile next to the woods out in back of the repair shop, along with a very large dumpster. My buddies and I will find a way.
Just kidding. Maybe. There will definitely be some loud talking.
By the way, I did some research and could not find a single case of a mechanic ‘disappearing’ after doing a lousy job. Looks like lots of people choose ‘loud talking’ over body dumping. That’s probably a good thing. Otherwise, who would we get to fix our cars?
If there are no paragraph separations in this article, please double-click on the title to create a more readable version.
Shovels anyone?
Kerrian’s Notebook has been around for 100 pages. That deserves some serious noisemakers. Maybe that should be 100 handcuffs rattling or 100 jail cells slamming shut on the bad guys, but whatever noise we use to celebrate? Make it loud. We love a party!
In honor of the 100 pages, here is a list of 100 ways to die by unnatural causes. A death certificate (which lists the cause of death) is issued after any death in the USA, whether natural or otherwise, but if the attending medical practitioner notes anything suspicious, an inquiry may or may not be conducted. Keep in mind that a law enforcement officer will only investigate these deaths if a dastardly deed is suspected. Sometimes, foul play is not always apparent.
Can you spot the ones in the list that indicate murder was afoot?
1)Drowning in bathtub
2)Drowning in ocean because of undertow
3)Drowning in a molasses spill
4)Suffocation by pillow
5)Suffocation after entire body has been painted
6)Hanging by rope
7)Electrocution for death penalty
8)Electrocution by hairdryer
9)Electrocution by electrified fence
10) Electrocution while changing light bulb
11) Hit by lightning
12) Knife in the chest
13) Knife in the leg
14) Axe to the head
15) Bleeding out because of slit wrists
16)Arson
17)Gas leak in house
18)Smoke inhalation
19)Bullet to the head
20)Accidental drug overdose
21)Medical malpractice
22)Tripped and hit head, cracking skull
23)Beaten to death
24)Death by roller coaster
25)Vending machine fell with your arm in it
26)Lethal mix of drugs and alcohol
27)Alcohol poisoning
28)Radiation poisoning
29)Arsenic in tea
30)Baked in an oven
31)Allergic reaction to shellfish
32)Allergic reaction to nuts
33)Attacked by wolves
34)Bitten by cobra
35)Clawed by tiger
36)Mauled by a shark
37)Attacked by alligator – C.C.J.
38)Bitten by several fire ants
39)Bitten by poisonous spiders
40)Crushed by boa constrictor
41)Thrown from a horse
42)Trampled by elephants
43)Gored by a bull
44)Bitten by scorpion
45)Bitten by mosquito during sleep – allergic reaction to bite – B.R
46) Poisoned by contact with weed killers
47) Poisoned by ingesting toxic flowers/leaves
Oleander
48)Crushed by falling tree
49)Stepped on a land mine
50)Bomb explosion
51)Rocket attack
52)Hit in the head by a pitched ball
53)Death in a boxing match
54)Car accident, crushed
55)Car accident, gas tank explodes
56)Car accident – car ripped in half by telephone wire – anonymous
57)Hit by a car while crossing the street
58)Hit by commuter train
59)Propane tank on BBQ exploded
60)Chemical spill
61)Airplane crash
62)Airplane mid-air explosion
63)Parachute didn’t open
64)Parasail collided with cliff
65)Choked on food
66)Choked on bottle cap
67)Pushed off a cliff
68)Fell off a roof
69)Jumped out a window
70)Froze in a snow bank
71)Stabbed with icicle
72)Buried in an avalanche
73)Fell off a ski lift
74)Starved to death
75)Mercury poisoning
76)Asbestos poisoning
77)Decapitation
78)Strangled by another person
79)Strangled – tie caught in laminating machine while wearing it
80)Sword fight
81)Sniper bullet
82)Stabbed with knitting needle
83)Hung upside down by feet until dead
84)Death by dehydration
85)Sinkhole collapsed with person in it – C.C.J.
86)Latrine on flatbed of truck fell onto your car – J.P.M.
87)Death by barbed wire fence – J.P.M.
88)Cyanide salts in an almond cake – E.M.
89)Elevator doors malfunctioned and closed on neck
90)Walked into empty elevator shaft
91)Jumped off diving board into empty pool
92)Got stuck in a storm drain while trying to retrieve wallet
93)Trapped inside a folding bed
94)Buried under falling bookshelves
95)Mangled by farming/industrial machinery
96)Botulism
97)Shot yourself while cleaning a gun
98)Crashed into tree while ziplining
99) Bungee cord broke while jumping
100) Hypothermia
Sources? I’ve lived longer than I’d like to admit and over 90 of these deaths are ones I’ve heard about in the news or seen in the movies over the years. Some of the Kerrian’s Notebook readers have told me about a few more. Thanks to Barbara Rosario, Christy Crowley Johnson, Jessica Pettengill Messinger, and a person who prefers to remain anonymous, for their ripped-from-the-headlines suggestions. Thanks to mystery writer Edith Maxwell for an intriguing cause of death. I wonder if one of her books will include that COD? Remind me to stay away from any almond dishes at her house. 😉
*Photos by Patti Phillips, but nobody died while she was shooting them, nor is the body part in the fourth picture real flesh and blood.
Last Monday evening, we dropped Bridget’s Mustang off at the local repair shop. (Read what happened on Monday during the day here.)
They usually do a great job on the cars, so we had no doubt that whatever caused it to die in the driveway would be sorted out. The guy at the front desk had told us on the phone to hold on to the keys until the morning, so we did.
Tuesday 8:30am – The key and fob were handed over and we had a short chat about what the car would not do. Electrical systems still functioned, but it just wouldn’t start. They still had the work order from the day before, so everything looked good for a speedy fix. “No problem. We’ll get to the bottom of it.”
Tuesday 3pm – I called to get the diagnosis. The car had not been looked at yet. “Sorry, we got backed up. We’ll get right on it, but we’ll have to keep it overnight.” Bridget raised her eyebrows. I reassured her, “Tomorrow, Sis.”
Wednesday Noon – I called.
“Any news yet?”
“We had an emergency and had to put another car on the lift. We’ll get to yours this afternoon.”
Emergency? Do repair shops have emergencies?
Wednesday 2:30pm – They called me. “You needed a fuel pump. We’ll have it done by close of business.”
4pm – They called me.
“Do you have another set of keys? We think the theft system is overriding the ignition. You did need a fuel pump, but the key you gave us is not the original key.”
Hmmmm… the theft light flashes whenever the onboard computer thinks someone is trying to steal the car. Bridget said that it flashes when she opens the car door, before she puts the key into the ignition. I had given the guys my backup key, so that Bridget could hold on to the original. Ya know, in case somebody locked himself (or herself) out of the car while she was visiting.
I took them the original. Bridget did not want to talk to them. She wanted her car back.
Thursday 10am – I called. It was on the lift. “Call back after lunch.”
1pm – I called. Nobody knew anything. The guy I had been talking to was off for the afternoon.
3pm – They called me.
The man on the phone said, “I made a decision on my own initiative. I put it on a flatbed and took it down the road to the dealer. We had no choice. We can’t get it started. We think that something is wrong with the key and the computer and they both need to be reset. That can only be done at the dealer. They’ll get it into the schedule tomorrow.”
Bridget steamed and threatened to fly home. Sheila took her out for the evening. Lots of door slamming as they left. I stayed out of sight.
Friday Noon: I called the repair shop. A different guy was now talking to me. He had not heard anything, but promised to call the dealership.
3:30pm I called the repair shop. The ‘new guy’ had not spoken to the people at the dealership, but asked me to ‘hold’ while he did. I was told that the Mustang was next.
4:50pm The repair shop guy called and said the key fob had been reset at the dealer, but the car still would not start on its own. They had to cross the wires to jumpstart it. The car was on the lift and the dealer mechanics were looking for the problem. I would not see the car until Monday, maybe Tuesday.
You don’t want to know what Bridget said. She complained a bit about the lousy treatment her favorite car ever was getting. In different words.
The weekend was seriously quiet at our house. Bridget tried to get a flight out, but last minute tickets were triple the usual price. She made a few tense phone calls to rearrange her back-home appointments and then went shopping for groceries with Sheila. They cooked all weekend. I stayed out of their way. I think the freezer is stocked for years.
Monday 9:45am – A repair shop guy called. “The dealer mechanic is working on it as we speak. They actually had it running for a few minutes.”
He explained again why the car had been taken to the dealer. I kept thinking $$$.
Monday, 1pm – I called the repair shop. Nobody wanted to tell me the bad news, so the backup front desk guy got on the phone. “The entire security system shut down, and they think the key was at fault (saying that the key – the original – was a fake) and had shorted out the system.
SERIOUSLY?
I was there when Bridget bought the car. This was the same key fob she’d always had. I told the guy that. My voice might have gotten a little loud.
The dealer had ordered a special security system part that was going to take three days to arrive. Three days?Where was this part coming from? Now I’m thinkin’ BIG $$$.
And then the repair shop guy said, “The car will not be ready until late Thursday.”
Bridget and Sheila both join me in saying, “There will be bodies.”
