If there are no paragraph separations in this post, please double-click on the title to create a more readable version.
I was thumbing through the Kerrian’s Notebook file cabinet, checking for the articles written about bodies – where and how to hide them and various problems with methods used on TV and in the movies. I was a Homicide Detective for a good many years and saw my share of cases that made my jaw drop. I can’t go into detail about my own cases, but the links to real world cases within the Kerrian’s Notebook articles are authentic. Stranger than fiction? Perhaps. But then, criminals often defy logic.
Take a look at ten of the most frequently read posts about how people wind up dead, and where some criminals attempt to hide the bodies. (Click on the titles)
If there are no paragraph separations in this article, please double-click on the title to create a more readable version.
TV shows and movies have long used the ‘put-the-body-in-the-suitcase’ mode of hiding a body when someone dies in a nefarious way during a vacation. But is it realistic? Could it really be done?
If we set aside the smell factor (bodies start to stink within 24 hours if left unrefrigerated) corpses need to be hidden while they are still flexible and ‘stuffable.’ Rigor mortis (post-mortem stiffening of the body) sets in fairly quickly, so any book or TV show that shows the body being stuffed into a container in the first hour or so after death, is probably fairly accurate in that detail. Cold temperatures slow down the rate of rigor mortis and warm temperatures speed it up, so the surrounding environment plays a big factor in how speedy the corpse disposal must be.
Bodies are bulky and have those inconvenient limbs that don’t want to stay where they are put. In “Is that a body in the rug?” I chatted about why carrying a body around in a rug is a dumb idea. Waaay too many things can go wrong.
So, what to do? If the evildoer needs to move the body away from the scene of the crime in order to allow him/her to establish an alibi, a large container with wheels might be a solution. A laundry cart would fill the bill in a limited way if the victim died in a hotel, but what if the murderer wants to get the body out of the building?
The photo above shows my travel golf bag with a man standing next to it. As you can see, it’s not really long enough for stowing a grown man’s body, even though it looks like it should be when seen rolling through an airport. I tried getting into it, scrunching down, bending my knees, holding my arms tightly to my body, but nope. Not long enough even though I’m less than six feet tall. Maybe for somebody shorter?
Season #4 of the popular TV show, “Longmire,” included an episode featuring a body found on the side of the road in a large duffle bag after a tour bus had left the scene. There was an assumption that it had been inadvertently forgotten after a highway traffic accident. Until somebody tried to lift the bag. And then looked inside. Ooops.
Bodies are waaay heavier than can be handled by normal luggage seen in department stores. I did find a company online that makes six-foot long duffel bags complete with heavy duty stitching and zippers – important for those times when something other than tent poles would be in the bag.
Would it be possible to send the body by commercial airline? Aside from the logistical problems of getting the body to the airport and the smell factor – who would carry it, etc. – commercial airline restrictions limit baggage to 50 pounds each. Some airlines (not all) will allow overage in some cases for an extra fee, but that’s at the discretion of the agents at the airport and/or requires special permission. If the flight is fully booked, an agent will check the cargo weight before takeoff and leave bags behind if the safety weight limit for the total cargo has been reached. My mother asked me once how I could manage carrying my travel golf bag (filled with the clubs as well as golf clothes, shoes, gloves, and golf balls). First of all, the bag has wheels,and the clubs themselves weigh less than 25 pounds.
And then there is the size restriction and no airline employee can fudge on that without someone in the baggage chain questioning an extra-large bag. Remember, baggage handlers have to pick these bags up and hand load them onto baggage movers. The upper limit on size is 72” – that’s a combination of the length, width and height measurements. The 6’ duffle would be long enough for the average adult, but it doesn’t take into account the width of the bag or height, thereby eliminating it from travel by commercial flight without those special fees and permissions. Plus, most duffles don’t come with wheels.
The “Longmire” body was that of a petite young woman, so she fit easily into a six-foot duffle. The gal probably weighed about 100-120 pounds, but there were no wheels attached to the bag. How did the murderer remove the fully packed bag from the crime scene? No spoiler here, buthe/she had to have help, even with the handles on the bag. The use of the tour bus as the would-be mode of transportation was believable, since the fully loaded duffle would never have made it through all the security checks on a commercial airline, even a cargo flight. Kudos to “Longmire” for realism.
Having said all that, as one advertisement said, you need a bag that “will carry you through any situation or season.”
For all around ease of use (wheels, size) a trunk probably is the best choice. And, they’re even on sale right now at some locations. Kidding. 😉
But, as a long-term way of establishing an alibi? Face it, you’re gonna get caught. Moving large duffles or trunks? Somebody is going to see you do it and remember it. After all, it’s not a bag of groceries.
*Note: no bodies were found in any of the suitcases or trunks we used for research.
**Further note: this information is for entertainment purposes only. Seriously.
If there are no paragraph separations in this article, please double-click on the title to create a more readable version.
The Jazz Corner is one of our favorite venues for dinner and live jazz when we’re visiting Hilton Head Island in the South Carolina Lowcountry. Tonight was the last night for a popular NYC jazz combo. As usual, the tables are scrunched together in the intimate setting, making it next to impossible not to eavesdrop on folks seated at adjacent tables.
Sheila’s just placed her standard order for She-Crab soup and crab cakes, when I hear the woman at the next table say, “Mom’s right. Whoever killed Finley put that trophy deer head in his lap to sidetrack authorities. And it’s working. Deputy Ibsen’s convinced one of the Bambi-loving crowd is responsible.”
Bambi lovers? A corpse holding a trophy deer head? I can’t pretend I didn’t hear. My curiosity won’t let me. The couple’s conversation sounds matter of fact. Neither the man nor the woman—I’m guessing they’re either late forties or early fifties—seems shaken or hysterical. I decide it’s okay to intrude.
“Hi, I’m Charlie Kerrian, and this is my wife, Sheila,” I begin. “We just arrived on the island a couple of hours ago for a mini-vacation. I apologize for listening in, but our tables are so close. Was someone murdered here recently?”
“Not here,” the woman replies. “The murder took place on Hullis Island Friday night. I apologize. We shouldn’t have been jabbering about it in a restaurant. You needn’t be concerned. There’s no Lowcountry crime wave. Please don’t let my big mouth ruin your vacation.”
Sheila chuckles. “My husband failed to mention he’s a detective. You haven’t worried him, just piqued his curiosity.”
“That’s a relief.” The woman smiles. While her short, curly hair is snow-white, her smooth skin says the white hair is premature. “I’m Kylee Kane,” she adds, “a retired Coast Guard investigator.”
“And I’m Ted Welch,” the man says. “I’m hoping Kylee will soon change her standard introduction and say she’s a security specialist for Welch HOA Management. That’s my company. We manage more than a dozen homeowner associations in Beaufort County, including Hullis Island where the man was murdered.”
Kylee shakes her head and grins. “Ted, I’m not going to start introducing myself as your security specialist. My consulting gig won’t last that long—just until this killer’s caught, we find out who’s sending hate mail to Mom, and your HOA clients quit worrying about crazed killers sneaking into their neighborhoods.”
“Can you back up?” I ask. “What did you mean about the killer trying to pin the rap on Bambi lovers, and why is your mother getting hate mail? Are the two related?”
“Afraid so,” Kylee says. “Hullis Island has a deer overpopulation problem. The board of directors of the HOA decided to solve the problem by opening the island’s nature sanctuary to hunters as soon as the peak tourist season ends. Finley, the man who was murdered, was a loud proponent of slaughtering all the island deer. His landscape company’s sales had nosedived after people decided buying edible plants amounted to a free lunch program for deer.”
“And how was your mother involved?” Sheila asks.
“Mom doesn’t think the board has the right to open our nature sanctuary to hunters without allowing the HOA membership to vote on the matter,” Kylee adds. “She sent an email to all her neighbors expressing her opinion. Mom knows the overpopulation has to be addressed, but she thinks there are less drastic solutions. A postcard that said it was time for hunters to target old-lady busybodies as well as deer was hand-delivered to Mom’s mailbox a few hours later.”
Ted adds, “I just wish the authorities weren’t so fixated. They seem convinced the neighborhood feud about the island deer explains why Finley was killed. But the deceased wasn’t a likeable guy. He’d accumulated lots of disgruntled customers. Kylee and I plan to talk to some of those folks. My new security specialist excels at interviewing people.”
“Yes.” Kylee laughs. “In your sales pitch for me to join your firm as a security consultant, I believe you described me as having the ‘tenacity of a demented squirrel looking for a buried nut stash.’”
“True,” Ted agrees. “An apt description. Hasn’t changed since you worked so hard to ignore your little brother and me in grade school.”
The lights flicker and a man takes the small stage to introduce the jazz combo. “Please respect our talented musicians,” he says. “No talking during the performance.”
While Sheila and I came to hear the music, I’m sorry I’ll have to wait to hear more of the story.
Linda Lovely
Warm thanks to Linda Lovely for stopping by to chat with the Kerrians and give us a straight-up-fun peek into Kylee Kane’s (and Ted Welch) encounters with murder at the HOA. To find out how the story ends, you’ll have to read:
Multi-layered plots are always central to Linda Lovely’s novels. With her fully fleshed out central characters perfectly set up to navigate the twists and turns of the story lines, this entertaining mystery writer always delivers a thoroughly engrossing read. “With Neighbors Like These,” is a stellar, page-turning beginning to her brand new HOA Mystery Series. Launch date was set for July 13, 2021. Click on the link to order.
