murder

KN, p. 148 “Is that a body under the deck?”

 

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I was taking the recycles out to the bin and my leg went through one of the planks in the deck. Nothing was damaged except the plank. Well, maybe a scrape on my shin, but not much else. This was the second plank I had gone through – and replaced – in a week, so it was time to get the whole deck redone.

 

Normally I would replace the thing myself, but my doc said no heavy lifting while I was finishing up the rehab. So I got my former construction partner on the line and gave him the job. He owed me a favor so we agreed on parts + a percentage for labor. Basically I paid for the lumber and the salary for his helper for the day. He would not agree to my paying him for his own labor, but I twisted his arm with the promise of having his family over for a couple of barbecues once the deck was finished.

 

Sheila and I have had a snake problem under the deck ever since we built the raised garden beds surrounding it. We inadvertently blocked off any runoff and the critters soon had their own swampy little place to live, full of food, shelter and water. They’ve been happy, but us? Not so much.

 

Since Todd was pulling out all the boards, it was the perfect time to level the ground below, then dig a small drainage trench about three inches wide at the edge so that the accidental pond could empty. After the water ran off, the sun dried out the exposed dirt and for the first time in a couple of years, the frogs/toads were off to greener, damper grassland.

 

The next step was to put a layer of small stones on top of the leveled dirt. That definitely changed the animal habitat. Without the artificial pond, and no food source that we could see, we hoped that the snakes would be gone as well. Foolishly, we didn’t have all the facts, but that’s for another story.

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As I watched Todd and his helper work, I got to thinking that the mini pond wasn’t deep enough to hide a body. The unbelievably rank smell of a corpse rotting in the summer would have been a dead giveaway if I had one lying around, but now there was gravel… and digging….

 

If I was inclined to do this deck myself, nobody could see me in back of the house and passersby would think nothing of shovels and lumber and gravel and even cement coming in and out of the yard. And Bingo! Hiding place for the body. Who would notice a bag or two of quicklime? The neighbors would be none the wiser.

 

Hmmm…come to think of it….Milly’s husband has been away on a business trip for a really long time and they have a new patio and a new deck and new, high, lush landscaping around it all. Just kidding. Maybe.

 

If you think nobody would really do that, take a look at these recent stories in the news.

 

In April, 2014:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/dead-body-found-easter-egg-hunt-knoxville-backyard-article-1.1760574

 

and, in May, 2015:

www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2015/05/30/body-missing-worcester-man-discovered-buried-under-deck-rhode-island-home/o9w4eeRjlaV1y5JgybmzpM/story.html

 

As for us? We’re both healthy and enjoying the new deck.  🙂

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*Photos by Patti Phillips

 

 

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KN, p. 111 “50 More Ways to Die an Unnatural Death.”

 

Shovels anyone?

It’s well known that Kerrian’s Notebook readers are a fun bunch. The anniversary post of “100 ways to die an unnatural death” was the most popular new post of 2014.  So popular, in fact, that many readers clamored for more.

 

Bring on the groans! Here are another 50 ways to die an unnatural death. Some were accidental, but some were murderously carried out. Can you tell which was which?

101. Deck collapsed with dancing partiers on it, who then fell to death

102. Partier standing below the deck crushed by the falling debris

103. Tripped and fell downstairs, breaking neck

104. Hypothermia inside a car stuck in a snowstorm

105. Sneezed to death

106. Laughed to death – wife actually sent thank-you note to TV show, because her husband enjoyed his last moments so much.

107. Baked to death by sunburn

108. Impaled – Death by stingray barb to heart

109. Impaled thru eye

110. Impaled on ski pole

 

111. Impaled by fork lift

112. Crushed by car while lying under it to repair it.

113. Hit on head by falling coconut

114. Death by video game – played until exhausted and beyond

115. Decapitated by helicopter blade – careless

116. Decapitated by airplane propeller – murder

117. Decapitation by chain saw – self-inflicted

118. Death by eating four pufferfish livers

119. Overate at one meal

120. Overate during several hours of food competition

 

121. Crushed by a stack of falling coffins

122. Neck broken by flying coffin

123. Slow death by slicing off pieces of body a bit at a time

124. Crushed by cow falling through roof

125. Asphyxiation after being rolled into a gym mat

126. Hit by flying fire hydrant

127. Injected with dirty hypodermic needle

128. Hit in head by golf ball

129. Hit in head by 9-iron

 

130. Suffocated under a pile of elephant dung

131. Suffocated under a pile of sand

132.  Ink poisoning thru skin

133. Carbon monoxide poisoning

134.  Coal dust in lungs

135. Fell off a moving train

136. Trampled by cattle

 

137. Allergic reaction to bee sting

 

138. Stabbed with a pitchfork

139. Shot with nail gun

140. Drowned in vat of beer

 

141. Blown up by dynamite tossed out car window while window was closed

142. Ate the wrong kind of newt – ya know, the one with toxins in its skin

143. Fell off skateboard while holding onto a moving vehicle

144. Suffocation in cement at building site

145. Suffocation after being trapped in bank vault with no ventilation

146. Suffocation inside coffin when mistakenly thought to be dead in the first place.

147. Drowned in vat of chocolate

148. Sucked into an airplane engine

149. Fell out of exploding hot air balloon

150. Bashed on the head with a shovel

 

Sources? You may not believe it, but I come across these methods of death on an almost daily basis – either in the books I read, the news programs I watch, or in the movies.

 

The BIG question: Do you know whom to call to help with the shovels if the time comes?

Pass the pitchfork, please.  😉

 

 

*Photos by Patti Phillips – nobody died during the photo shoots. Honest.

 

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KN, p. 133 “What poisons were in Agatha Christie’s books?”

 

Sheila is a big mystery buff and last weekend had a chance to attend an event in honor of Agatha Christie. Dame Christie’s crime fiction has been more widely read than any literary work in history, except for the Bible and Shakespeare. Pretty good resume.

 

One of the facts that Sheila came home bubbling about was that lots of Christie’s books featured poison as the weapon of choice. So, she asked me to find out how common those poisons were during the time that Christie was writing in the mid 1900s.

 

The answer? Agatha Christie used both common and unusual poisons in her books, some readily available in the garden shed, some found under the kitchen sink and others found only in pharmacies. She had been a real-life nurse during WW1 and had lots of chances to learn about, as well as use, many drugs – some of which could have been poisonous if mixed incorrectly or administered in too high a dose. In Christie’s 66 novels, she killed off over thirty unsuspecting characters with poison, some of which are described below. Her choices were based on what she needed to happen in the plot; did the killer have time to get away or did the storyline require a slow, unsuspicious death?

 

Arsenic – arsenic is a tasteless, odorless powder that dissolves nicely in hot liquids like tea or coffee. The victim doesn’t die right away, so the ‘nice neighbor’ can serve tea with cookies or muffins, then get away with murder when the victim dies hours later at home with a high enough dose. I’ve been told that it’s not a pleasant way to go, involving painful tingling in the hands and feet, kidney failure, abdominal cramping, arrhythmia, etc. Arsenic was used in “4.50 from Paddington.”

 

Belladonna – belladonna is a nightshade plant, with both the berries and leaves being really toxic. It was used in “The Caribbean Mystery.” Victims might have rapid heartbeat, blurry vision, and hallucinations, but can be saved by using an antidote.

 

Cyanide – created most famously from the seeds of almonds or cherries, cyanide poisoning is a rapid way to get rid of a victim – dead in just minutes with the right concentrated dose. The person’s breath is reputed to smell like almonds and the skin is tinged with pink after death. Cyanide was the poison of choice in “And Then There Were None,” and several other Christie books.

 

Morphine – used as a painkiller in normal circumstances, morphine can be deadly if administered incorrectly – and Christie used that fact effectively in a pot of tea in “Sad Cypress.” A great twist in the storyline diverts attention away from the murderer while he ‘does the deed.’

 

Strychnine – it only takes two to three hours to die from strychnine poisoning and it’s not a nice way to croak. Muscle contractions start and spread, increasing in intensity, until the victim has respiratory failure. Christie chose this method for her first novel, “Affair at Styles.”

 

While poisons may be a fascinating way to kill somebody on the page, in fact, it’s not used that often in real life. And unlike blunt force trauma as a cause of death, the use of poison is not always obvious at the crime scene. Autopsies have to be performed to discover what happened, with special tox screens needed to pinpoint any poison used.

 

According to the FBI stats on murder victims in the USA as of 2011, over 8,000 people died because of firearms, and only 5 (five) because of a deadly dose of poison. If you include narcotics in that number, the victims increase to 34.

 

But, it certainly makes the poisoner that gets caught, unlikely to get a reduced sentence. I doubt that a lawyer could explain away arsenic in the tea.

 

*Photo by Patti Phillips

 

FBI data from:

http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/crime-in-the-u.s/2011/crime-in-the-u.s.-2011/tables/expanded-homicide-data-table-8

 

 

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