death

KN, p. 200 “200 Ways to Die an Unnatural Death”

 

Thanks to the readers around the world, we have reached another milestone. This is page # 200 for Kerrian’s Notebook.  🙂  Hear Hammett barking? And the shovels clanking?

 

When Kerrian’s Notebook came into being, Charlie and Sheila Kerrian never expected to be around for 200 pages, not counting the additional posts devoted to our famous (or is that infamous?) Visiting Detectives. That’s a ton of cases, a ton of fun, facts, and a few dead bodies.

 

In honor of that milestone, we have come up with a few more ways to die an unnatural death, bringing the total on our deadly lists to a lethal 200.

 

Unnatural death is a category used by coroners and Medical Examiners for classifying human deaths that can’t really be described as death by natural causes. It might cover events such as accidents, homicide, clueless behavior, being attacked by wildlife, or even war.

 

Keep in mind that law enforcement personnel only investigate these deaths if foul play is suspected. Criminal intent is not always apparent, and autopsies are only conducted when suspicious circumstances surround the corpse’s demise.

 

Many thanks to all of you that contributed to our earlier lists. It wouldn’t have been as much fun without your (sometimes nefarious) methods of offing some unlucky souls.  🙂

 

Take a look:

100 ways to die an unnatural death

 

50 more ways to die an unnatural death

 

30 more ways to die an unnatural death

 

and now… 20 more ways to die an unnatural death.

 

  1. Broken neck – pitching over the handlebars of a bicycle without a helmet on

 

  1. Broken neck – diving into the shallow end of a pool

 

  1. Death by handheld fireworks

 

  1. Electrocution while storm chasing in a paraglider

 

  1. Death by coyote while hiking

 

  1. Death by spotted eagle ray – it leapt out of the water & struck a woman in a boat in the face. She fell and struck her head on the boat. The ray died as well.

 

  1. Crushed by a dumpster
    1. Death by a rolling bale of hay

     

    1. Impaled by the horn on a statue of a bull

     

    1. Death by flying manhole cover

     

    1. Death by colliding with fire hydrant and drowning

     

    1. Death on a golf cart – woman fell on the broken glass from the wine glasses she had been holding

     

    1. Death by selfie – maybe that should be: death by standing too close to the edge

     

    1. Death by asphyxiation while hiding in a cupboard

     

    1. Drowning – in a vat of wine

     

    1. Drowning – in a cat’s water bowl

     

    1. Water hammer explosion

     

    1. Death by prop gun on a movie set

     

    1. Smothered by clothing and gifts tossed from balconies onto the person onstage.

     

    1. Death by extreme sports – B.A.S.E. jumping with a parachute from fixed points (Buildings, Antennas, Spans (bridges), the Earth (top of cliff))

     

     

    All true, folks, but #194?  Maybe that explains all the Hallmark TV episodes where the good guys are hiding in closets with LOTS of air holes.

     

     

     

    The real question: Do you have friends that will help carry the shovels and pitchforks?  😉

     

     

     

    If you are a writer and have used any of the ‘200 ways’ in your work, let us know in the comments and you can plug your book here.   🙂

     

     

    *Photos by Patti Phillips, but nothing dastardly happened while she took them and no bodies were left behind. Promise.

     

    *Kerrian’s Notebook, and all of its content, is intended for entertainment purposes only.

     

     

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KN, p.185 “Is the mouse dead yet?”

 

It’s been a very wet year. We have lived through a hurricane, flooding, high water levels, squishy lawns, damp/wet cellars, and fewer sunny days during the summer than I can ever remember from the past. That leads to outdoor creatures being flooded out of their nooks and crannies below the ground and in the woods. Mice and most snakes and insects don’t like wet feet any more than humans do, so they tend to go to places like houses and barns to dry out.

 

Not long ago, Sheila had a late evening craving for a cup of tea, went to the kitchen and turned on the overhead light.

 

And saw a mouse racing toward the stove along the top of the half-inch wide backsplash.

 

Then screamed that horrible, deep-throated scream that always makes me think that Freddy Krueger is headed our way with a meat cleaver.

 

After the screaming and barking stopped – I’m not admitting to more than one person screaming – we did the snap mousetrap bit, but he was smarter than we were. He knew what we were up to – or else he just didn’t like our goodies. Almond butter? Bird seed? Bits of fruit? Cheese? Nope, not a nibble. Placing poison inside the house was not an option because of Hammett, our wonderful Irish Setter.

 

We finally called the Killer Elite Squad – the exterminators. They came, they saw, and did things under the house. We wanted the furry creature gone or at least chased back to his old home in the woods. The plumber came and plugged up holes under the house. The electrician came and closed up gaps near a socket in the garage. Mission hopefully accomplished.

 

We haven’t seen the invader since and Sheila has finally returned to the kitchen after a week of carefully avoiding that scary room. Hammett has snuffled at the doorway. Big sigh of relief here. I can cook, but only to survive, and take-out dinner from a limited selection of restaurants every night is not as exciting as you might first imagine.

 

Part of the solution under the house involved poison and it made me think about the consequences of it getting into conniving, possibly murderous  hands. Mice and humans are both mammals, after all, and what is lethal for one might also be deadly for the other in the right quantities. Rodent poison is readily available to anyone, sitting on grocery, hardware, and big box store shelves alike. Bonus? There is a perfectly good reason to buy it. Who would suspect anything devious behind the simple purchase of a couple of boxes of the stuff, especially this time of year?

 

Why does it work? The main ingredient, brodifacoum, causes blood to stop coagulating. Brodifacoum causes death in mice by thinning their blood so much that they hemorrhage. Death is not immediate, so they crawl away or return to eat more of the stuff, oblivious to its harmful effect.

 

In theory, mouse poison could kill a person if administered in enough quantity over a period of time, also causing them to hemorrhage. But, in all honesty, the flu-like symptoms of nausea, vomiting, stomach pain, etc. would send you to the doctor long before death could occur, especially if the symptoms worsen. Who would want to deal with that any longer than necessary? Plus, the amount needed to do in a grownup is considerable. And there is an easy antidote – vitamin K – which acts as speedy coagulant.

 

Poisons are used in books and other media to get rid of victims all the time, but is feeding rat poison to the potential victim a method that is used outside the entertainment industry?

 

It turns out that about ten years ago in real-life, a disturbed teenager from the Midwest decided to make his family sick, a little at a time. He mixed the poison in with their food over several weeks until they finally realized that they were getting lots worse, with numerous bouts of painful symptoms. A doctor visit revealed the truth.

 

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/explainer/2005/01/can_mouse_poison_kill_you.html

 

At this point I usually say that no bodies were found while researching and/or writing this post. Maybe not this time, but if you hear screaming in the future, I promise you: There will be. Of the furry kind.

 

*Photo credit? PestWorld.org. Sheila was too busy screaming to take a photo.  😉

The Kerrians are fictional characters, but the mouse debacle really happened.

 

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KN, p. 105 “Death by Elevator”

 

 

 

 

 

Charlie and I took a road trip to Texas recently and checked into a reputable long-stay chain hotel for a few days. The hotel featured free hot breakfast (with ‘robust’ coffee) and a few dinners, so as Charlie would say, “What’s not to like?” Near the end of the week, we were taking our time planning the day, so I volunteered to go down to the breakfast room for refills on the coffee.

 

I got on the elevator with a nice young man from another floor; we exchanged smiles as the door closed and the car descended. And stopped abruptly. Our eardrums were suddenly blasted by the hideous sound of shrieking sirens and horns. An elevator is a small space and the sound bounced off the walls and assaulted our bodies for several long minutes. It was actually painful.

 

We covered our ears, without much success, and shouted to each other, wondering what was going on. The noise finally stopped, to our great relief, but the doors did not open and we realized that we were stuck.

 

We introduced ourselves – his name was Daniel – and started poking buttons on the control panel. Nothing worked. Open/close, floor buttons, nothing. We tried using the elevator intercom to call for help, but nobody answered right away. Neither of us had a cellphone, and my pockets were empty of everything except my room key card.

 

Hmmm…

Daniel poked the intercom button again, this time shouting into it. The voice at the other end took a while to respond.


“Hello, are you okay?”

“Yes, but the elevator is stuck between floors.”

“Which elevator are you in?” Huh? Couldn’t they tell?


We had a chat with ‘the voice’ about where we had entered the elevator and she figured out that we were in the front elevator.

 

“The fire department will be here in a few minutes to get you out.”


I happened to know the locations of the firehouses since I had lived in the area for a number of years, and knew that it would be more than a few minutes. But, we were curious…why the screeching siren?

So we called the front desk again – and by the way, we had to yell to be heard – not very reassuring if trying to get and give information.

 

“What was the screeching siren?”

“There was a fire in someone’s room and when the room alarm went off, the entire elevator system shut down. We don’t know why you were not returned to the first floor.”

 

Hmmmm. The small fire was out, but somebody needed an elevator repair guy to make a visit after the firemen ‘rescued’ us. While we waited, Daniel and I shared our stories – Daniel was there with his family to support his older brother in a competition being held at the local university. I told him I was a writer. He asked if I was going to write about our experience and I laughed, “Definitely!”


I wondered aloud about pulling a MacGyver – Daniel was too young to know about the TV hero from the late 1980s – but then, neither of us had a Swiss Army knife or duct tape on hand. However, Daniel was tall enough to reach up and move ceiling panels aside as we investigated our options. Could we escape through the access panel as seen so often on TV and in the movies? Could we hot-wire anything?


Not in this elevator. The so-called ‘escape hatch’ could not be accessed unless you carried a hex key socket wrench in your pocket to release the bolts. Even then, maybe I could have fit through the space, but not broad-shouldered Daniel. I wondered what they actually use that panel for, since it clearly is not for people removal. As for hot-wiring? There was nothing accessible to us at all.


We exchanged a few more questions and reassurances from the front desk voice and Daniel’s dad, and at long last, the car finished the trip to the lobby and the firemen greeted us as the doors slid open.


When I asked about getting out of the elevator through the ceiling, the wrenches needed and the size of the escape hatch, one of the guys said, “Well, you don’t have to worry about any of that because the elevator comes back to the first floor and you just walk out the front.”


Right.


We were never in danger and were only one and a half floors up, so if cables had snapped, we would not have fallen far. Was I scared? Not really and I don’t think Daniel was either. He handled himself well and was good company. We had lots of air to share, since there were only two of us and we were both calm about the situation.


The people at the front desk mentioned that it would never happen again, but I found out later that it had just the night before to another guest. I might have taken the stairs if I had known that.


Charlie said that next time, he’s going to make the coffee run.

Elevators have long been the setting for action, comedy and even love, in movies and TV. And, why not?


There is a built-in constraint of space and time.

The punch line has to be delivered in the time it takes to get from one floor to another.

People who love (or hate) each other are placed into ‘must act’ situations.

Heists are pulled off successfully when the con men escape through the REALLY large ceiling hatches.

The audience is led to believe that nobody standing outside the elevator can hear the plots being hatched or the secrets being shared.


There is lots of potential for great entertainment.


But, in real life, people sometimes get stuck for hours and occasionally die in elevators. I researched elevator stories and these popped up:


Tragically, a young man saved a friend from an elevator death, but lost his own life in the process:

https://nypost.com/2016/01/01/young-man-crushed-to-death-by-elevator-cops/

 

An elevator mechanic was electrocuted while repairing the elevator and working with exposed wires.

https://newyork.cbslocal.com/2012/03/29/elevator-mechanic-electrocuted-on-the-job-in-midtown/

 

That same month, a woman was horribly dragged to her death when elevator shot up while she tried to enter through the open doors.

https://www.dnainfo.com/20120227/midtown/suzanne-harts-elevator-death-blamed-on-worker-oversight/

 

*Note from Patti Phillips:

My extra long stay on the elevator (as Patti Phillips) really did happen earlier this month, but there are hundreds of thousands of safe elevator rides taken every year.

Thanks to Daniel Gray for sharing the ride in Texas.  🙂

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