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Kerrian’s Notebook, p.130 “Is that an alligator on the golf course?”

 

It’s been raining a lot, and it’s cold outside now, so golf has been taken off the schedule until the spring. What do wanna-be golfers do when the weather sidelines them?

 

We watch movies of golfers making a hole-in-one and winning a million dollars, we watch the Golf Channel for instruction, we dream of sunny states and countries where a guy/gal could golf year round, we watch funny videos of golf flubs, and trade whopper stories with our golfing buddies.

 

And then there are the golf tournaments televised on sports channels. If ya can’t be there, ya might as well watch. And drool because of the perfect putts and perfect swings and the top notch equipment. And laugh out loud at some of the odd critters that crawl onto the golf course while thousands of people are standing within just a few feet.

 

Among other LOL moments that stop a golfer from taking a putt, you might see:

 

  • A red-tailed hawk pecking at a ground mike
  • Alligators strolling on the fairways and/or being chased by caddies
  • Turtles doing back flips into a pond in front of the green
  • A bird flying away with a golf ball in its beak
  • An iguana pushing a golf ball around on the green
  • Yellow jackets making grown men drop flat on the ground
  • A turtle in the way of the shot, then when picked up, goes to the bathroom

 

Click on the link below to watch this PGA Tour video of the Top 10 Animal Encounters recorded on the tours through the years. No blood, no bodies, just great fun.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43vii7vT44I#t=62

 

My encounter with the snake in the grass seems tame by comparison.  😉

 

May your fairways be clear and your greens critter free!

 

 

*Snake photo taken by Patti Phillips, while standing safely inside the golf cart.  Lolol

 

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Kerrian’s Notebook, p.116 “Cemetery at the Golf Course”

 

 

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that most of you have never played golf above a cemetery. Maybe you’ve walked past a golf course and seen how peaceful the landscape is, with its beautiful trees and manicured expanse of grass and/or been lucky enough to play a round on it. Maybe you’ve visited old cemeteries and been struck by the size of the property.  But, combining the two uses of grassy knolls is unusual.

 

Occasionally I play a round at a local public course that sits right next to a very crowded small cemetery. The 7th hole runs along the edge of an older section of grave sites and while separated by a row of tall shrubbery, errant golf balls do fly through the gaps in foliage.

 

 

Do lost golf balls plopping on the graves bother the forever-resting occupants? Do golfers leave the wayward balls to the dearly departed, so that no footsteps ever fall on the burial ground?  I know a few guys who see the little white sphere traveling above the headstones and take out another golf ball right away. No attempt to retrieve said lost ball. They take a mulligan for the shot and play on. If a little kid sat behind the bushes and tossed the ball back from the cemetery (while staying hidden) I think the guys might run off the course and never return.  😉

 

Recently, in Chastain Park (Atlanta, Georgia) it was discovered that a section of the golf course actually sits right above an old potter’s field graveyard.

 

Watch the video here:

http://www.wsbtv.com/videos/news/dozens-of-graves-discovered-under-golf-course/vCbzW8/

 

There is a possibility that wildflowers will be planted on the turf above the graves, allowing the permanent residents some peace and a bit of respect they might not have had in a forgotten potter’s field. There is no plan to disturb the graves.

 

 

Just in case you think it’s weird to combine a golf course with a cemetery, however accidental, here’s a bit of insider golfer information:

 

Many, and I mean MANY, avid golfers would love to have their ashes spread on their favorite golf course, and have even picked out the hole upon which they’d like to spend eternity. Maybe it’s the hole with a great view of the countryside; maybe it’s the place where they first hit a hole-in-one or won a bet. I’ve yet to sink a hole-in-one, so my choice would be somewhere around the green with a great view.

 

There are so many of these dedicated players all over the world that some large golf courses have regulations specifically dealing with the issue:

 

–      what day of the week the scattering is permitted

–      fees that may be required in order to gain access

–      who is allowed to do the scattering (a company that specializes in this event or the actual grieving person)

–      where on the course the ashes can ‘rest’

 

Why do the powers-that-be care? Cremated remains are not all like small grains of sand. In the mix are pieces of bone, irregular in shape, unless they’ve been ground after cremation. Soooo…while the golf course managers may permit the scattering, they might have a concern about people dumping an urn full of ashes into a sand trap or on a tee box or (gasp) anywhere on a green.

 

Do you have a relative that wants to overlook the 8th green in perpetuity? Tell him/her to look into the policies at the chosen resting place. And tell him/her to figure out who is supposed to do the scattering. And what to do if there’s snow on the ground. Uncle Joe or Aunt Mae may have to wait a bit on somebody’s mantle until the spot at the golf course is ready for occupancy.


For a bit more information about the graves under Chastain Park, click on the link.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/dozens-graves-found-beneath-atlanta-golf-article-1.1806260

 

 

*Photos by Patti Phillips

 

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Kerrian’s Notebook, p. 111 “50 More Ways to Die an Unnatural Death.”

 

Shovels anyone?

It’s well known that Kerrian’s Notebook readers are a fun bunch. The anniversary post of “100 ways to die an unnatural death” was the most popular new post of 2014.  So popular, in fact, that many readers clamored for more.

 

Bring on the groans! Here are another 50 ways to die an unnatural death. Some were accidental, but some were murderously carried out. Can you tell which was which?

101. Deck collapsed with dancing partiers on it, who then fell to death

102. Partier standing below the deck crushed by the falling debris

103. Tripped and fell downstairs, breaking neck

104. Hypothermia inside a car stuck in a snowstorm

105. Sneezed to death

106. Laughed to death – wife actually sent thank-you note to TV show, because her husband enjoyed his last moments so much.

107. Baked to death by sunburn

108. Impaled – Death by stingray barb to heart

109. Impaled thru eye

110. Impaled on ski pole

 

111. Impaled by fork lift

112. Crushed by car while lying under it to repair it.

113. Hit on head by falling coconut

114. Death by video game – played until exhausted and beyond

115. Decapitated by helicopter blade – careless

116. Decapitated by airplane propeller – murder

117. Decapitation by chain saw – self-inflicted

118. Death by eating four pufferfish livers

119. Overate at one meal

120. Overate during several hours of food competition

 

121. Crushed by a stack of falling coffins

122. Neck broken by flying coffin

123. Slow death by slicing off pieces of body a bit at a time

124. Crushed by cow falling through roof

125. Asphyxiation after being rolled into a gym mat

126. Hit by flying fire hydrant

127. Injected with dirty hypodermic needle

128. Hit in head by golf ball

129. Hit in head by 9-iron

 

130. Suffocated under a pile of elephant dung

131. Suffocated under a pile of sand

132.  Ink poisoning thru skin

133. Carbon monoxide poisoning

134.  Coal dust in lungs

135. Fell off a moving train

136. Trampled by cattle

 

137. Allergic reaction to bee sting

 

138. Stabbed with a pitchfork

139. Shot with nail gun

140. Drowned in vat of beer

 

141. Blown up by dynamite tossed out car window while window was closed

142. Ate the wrong kind of newt – ya know, the one with toxins in its skin

143. Fell off skateboard while holding onto a moving vehicle

144. Suffocation in cement at building site

145. Suffocation after being trapped in bank vault with no ventilation

146. Suffocation inside coffin when mistakenly thought to be dead in the first place.

147. Drowned in vat of chocolate

148. Sucked into an airplane engine

149. Fell out of exploding hot air balloon

150. Bashed on the head with a shovel

 

Sources? You may not believe it, but I come across these methods of death on an almost daily basis – either in the books I read, the news programs I watch, or in the movies.

 

The BIG question: Do you know whom to call to help with the shovels if the time comes?

Pass the pitchfork, please.  😉

 

 

*Photos by Patti Phillips – nobody died during the photo shoots. Honest.

 

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