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golf

Kerrian’s Notebook, p. 111 “50 More Ways to Die an Unnatural Death.”

 

Shovels anyone?

It’s well known that Kerrian’s Notebook readers are a fun bunch. The anniversary post of “100 ways to die an unnatural death” was the most popular new post of 2014.  So popular, in fact, that many readers clamored for more.

 

Bring on the groans! Here are another 50 ways to die an unnatural death. Some were accidental, but some were murderously carried out. Can you tell which was which?

101. Deck collapsed with dancing partiers on it, who then fell to death

102. Partier standing below the deck crushed by the falling debris

103. Tripped and fell downstairs, breaking neck

104. Hypothermia inside a car stuck in a snowstorm

105. Sneezed to death

106. Laughed to death – wife actually sent thank-you note to TV show, because her husband enjoyed his last moments so much.

107. Baked to death by sunburn

108. Impaled – Death by stingray barb to heart

109. Impaled thru eye

110. Impaled on ski pole

 

111. Impaled by fork lift

112. Crushed by car while lying under it to repair it.

113. Hit on head by falling coconut

114. Death by video game – played until exhausted and beyond

115. Decapitated by helicopter blade – careless

116. Decapitated by airplane propeller – murder

117. Decapitation by chain saw – self-inflicted

118. Death by eating four pufferfish livers

119. Overate at one meal

120. Overate during several hours of food competition

 

121. Crushed by a stack of falling coffins

122. Neck broken by flying coffin

123. Slow death by slicing off pieces of body a bit at a time

124. Crushed by cow falling through roof

125. Asphyxiation after being rolled into a gym mat

126. Hit by flying fire hydrant

127. Injected with dirty hypodermic needle

128. Hit in head by golf ball

129. Hit in head by 9-iron

 

130. Suffocated under a pile of elephant dung

131. Suffocated under a pile of sand

132.  Ink poisoning thru skin

133. Carbon monoxide poisoning

134.  Coal dust in lungs

135. Fell off a moving train

136. Trampled by cattle

 

137. Allergic reaction to bee sting

 

138. Stabbed with a pitchfork

139. Shot with nail gun

140. Drowned in vat of beer

 

141. Blown up by dynamite tossed out car window while window was closed

142. Ate the wrong kind of newt – ya know, the one with toxins in its skin

143. Fell off skateboard while holding onto a moving vehicle

144. Suffocation in cement at building site

145. Suffocation after being trapped in bank vault with no ventilation

146. Suffocation inside coffin when mistakenly thought to be dead in the first place.

147. Drowned in vat of chocolate

148. Sucked into an airplane engine

149. Fell out of exploding hot air balloon

150. Bashed on the head with a shovel

 

Sources? You may not believe it, but I come across these methods of death on an almost daily basis – either in the books I read, the news programs I watch, or in the movies.

 

The BIG question: Do you know whom to call to help with the shovels if the time comes?

Pass the pitchfork, please.  😉

 

 

*Photos by Patti Phillips – nobody died during the photo shoots. Honest.

 

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Kerrian’s Notebook, p. 42 “Is that a body on the golf course?”

Opening holes at Furnas

 

I admit it. I’m not good at vacations. I never minded taking the occasional day off if work permitted, but a whole week? It always seemed that the cases were more important than lounging on the beach somewhere, getting sand in my shorts.

 

We spent a couple of weeks in Jamaica, but as Sheila will tell you, the murders got in the way of relaxing by the pool. Lots of fun for me in the beginning, not so much fun for either of us toward the end of the trip. After that, I owed her big time, so Sheila got to pick the do-over destination – the Azores, a group of nine islands off the coast of Portugal. The biggest one, Sao Miguel, was where we headed for seven days.

 

Sheila made a list of stuff for us to do and I checked out the golf courses. There were two famous ones, but because of the tours and timing, we only played the one in the Furnas valley, VerdeGolf Country Club.

 

Beautiful course, over 6,000 yards long from the tips, well laid out with a rating of 127, has elevated greens, water hazards and sand traps. Volcanic sand plays like dirt, by the way.

Furnas rough – 😉

Slicing the ball was a bad idea, because the forest floor next to the fairway was dense with undergrowth. Lost five Bridgestones in the woods, but still had a great round.

Furnas fog

That is, until the fog moved in. If you look closely at the picture, the flag is to the right of center, beyond the volcanic sand. Sheila and I took turns yelling from the hole, so we would have a target, then jumping out of the way as we each chipped onto the green.

 

Even Sheila said that it would be easy to hide a couple bodies on that course and no one would ever see you do it. What a round! I’d definitely play there again.

 

 

*Photos by Patti Phillips

 

 

 

 

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